Thursday, November 23, 2017

Thankful. So very Thankful.

People that know me know that I'm fragile right now. I'm on the struggle bus. I mean, let's face it, I've never been a strong woman in the first place. I mean I cry at the drop of a hat. Lately I feel like I should tell the folks at preschool that I'm not hungover and I don't have a problem because I know I look rough when I walk into dropoff. It just seems that every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday on the way to take Ellie to Preschool that just seems to be my time to "lose it." I don't know what it is, but something triggers me to cry then... and when I reach the 7-eleven I have to give myself a big pep talk and say, "Shelley, we're about to come into town, pull yourself together girl and get a grip."  There's just no way around it. Cancer sucks.

It makes you question everything. I stay up at night googling treatment options and what chemo does, and then every night I'm just cursing whoever invented google because I just need to stay far, far away from it. I worry about what my dad is thinking and how scared he must be and I stress about my mom. And the list goes on. And the horrible thing is... the one and only thing I crave is normalcy. Life before the c word existed.

But today is Thanksgiving.  And I'm going to be Thankful.

Today I'm thankful for friends that have reached out to me. Friends that send random texts checking in on him. Friends that have dropped off dinners or offered to take my kids when I needed it. Friends that listen. Friends that send cards, mailed surprises, messaged me and made me smile, and friends that force this homebody to get out of the house to do things- even when I don't want to.  I'm thankful for friends that message me about diets, meet me for walks, and friends that make me register for races and hold me accountable- friends that believe I can do things even when I don't. Oh, and friends that meet me for queso. I love me some queso.

Today I'm thankful for family. I'm thankful for in-laws that are amazing. I'm thankful for aunts, uncles, cousins- and all of the other blood relatives beyond that I just refer to as cousins because our family is so close and I don't know what you are so I just say cousin. Family is everything.

I'm especially thankful for this crazy crew that was up in freezing temps to cheer for me this morning. They are my heart and soul, my everything.




And today, though we may be fighting this ugly beast of cancer and it's never far from our minds, I am so, very thankful for the gift of time. I am thankful for precious moments and the unconditional love that my parents have always given me- even during that 6 or 7 year stint when I was a mean teenager. Sorry about that. :)





And most of all, I'm thankful for a Dad that always, no matter what, has always kept his promises.

 
I did it. Thanks for always being there Mom and Dad and for being my biggest cheerleaders. I love you.