This. This right here is what we want people to see. A happy, put together family ready to set sail on a fabulous vacation. And if you are anything like me at first you are happy for us and then you might yell to your hubby, “Did you see the so and so’s are off on a Disney cruise?” And he may reply, “Must be nice to be the so and so’s.” Or maybe that's just me every time I see people off on an adventure. I wonder what the hell we are doing wrong- living in Northern Virginia trying not to live above our means, making more money than we ever imagined and it still not being enough. LOL.
But let me tell you about reality. This is a family that loves and loves hard. This is a trip admittedly so our littlest gets to experience Disney like our older kids did five hundred times before her big brother starts high school next year and puts an end to our during the school year trips.
This is also a family who has had the hardest year of their lives. Well, maybe not the whole family, but the Mama Bear. A year where she watched her Dad wither away as he battled cancer and eventually lost the fight. A year that her husband was diagnosed with Graves Disease and made marriage trying to say the least putting that through sickness and health vow to the test. I mean when your hubby is a pilot and can’t fly for six months due to his health, things get a little stressful- especially when that’s what puts a roof over your heads. A year where she gained even more weight because queso momentarily solved her problems. A year where after being a stay at home mom for fourteen years and absolutely loving it-her youngest chick flew the coup and this left the mother questioning what her purpose in life was.
This is a Mom who finally had to ask for help and who is so thankful for friends and family that have supported her. Who have understood her moods, silences, flakiness, and battles and been nothing but encouraging and supportive.
This Mom is me. And before Christmas I walked into my primary care doctor and had a meltdown on the exam table. I cried and I said how I was dreading the holidays without my Dad. I cried I was upset with my weight and my health issues caused by it. And let me tell you how amazing my doctor was. He looked at me, offered me a box of tissues, and said, "Look, you are probably on social media and you see all these people saying how excited they are for the holidays and how perfect their lives are. I treat half the ladies around here. Lies. It's all lies. You don't know how many people are miserable." Ahhhhhhhhhh just the right words when I really, really needed them. He did then also look at me and say, "It looks like your get up and go has just gotten up and left," which was also true.
So why am I sharing? Because I am the woman you see in this picture. I am happy. I love my life, I love my familiy with all of my heart and soul, and sometimes- believe it or not- I do have it all put together. And this past year has made me realize that sometimes, it's just OK to not be OK. It's simply OK.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to ask for help and to silence the noise. I logged off Facebook all through Christmas because I just didn't want to see a bunch of happiness. I know- crazy, but I'm back in a good place and am trusting that 2019 can't possibly be worse than 2018.
So if you took the time to read this, know that yes, we suck as we head off to warmth. The cruise is paid for because that stinkin' hubby has this whole excel budget thing that annoys the crap out of me and yes, I might be headed back to work after fifteen years of staying at home to pay for some of the kid's crap. Man, I should have thrown that retirement party years ago. Also know that the rest of this cruise it will be a constant fight about dressing nice, having table manners, who gets the top bunk, and this list goes on and on.... because though I may post pictures of our perfect life, behind it all we are a hot mess and it doesn't have to be perfect to be perfect.
To those that are ok with being real- You are my people.
Bon Voyage!
