The In Between

This week I traveled to Florida to catch up with my hubby and our precious ten year old for a softball tournament. It was some extra special one on one time with our sweet monkey in the middle. She's our easy child- stuck in the middle of a pre-teen brother and preschooler that thinks she rules our house. She's not the oldest and not the baby. She's the ever so special middle child. She's our in between.

Sitting in an airport for hours by myself was actually a wonderful time for reflection. With another school year approaching, I'm craving the routine, the structure, and a "new start." I'm not gonna lie, lately I've been feeling like the middle child... not knowing my place.

For years, I was this crazy stay at home mom with little kids. I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and goldfish leftovers and never showered. And lets be honest, it wasn't just the kids pickin's I ate, I somehow managed to get enough food and am now fifty pounds heavier. I went to college and got a degree in Family and Child Development and was doing just that. And loving it. I swore off ever working again and basically had a retirement party. I counted down until I could be a "lady who lunches" and has her nails did. Yes, I said nails did because I pictured me being this hip Mama still trendy and with a little soul in my step.

Fast forward to now. Instead of trendy, I'm rocking some Kohl's duds and instead of listening to Missy Elliot on my car radio, I fight with my kids about who gets to listen to "their" music and can be a buzzkill and turn off "inappropriate" songs.  I see friends with awesome careers and it looks amazing, but yet, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I'm a lady who lunches, but if done more than once a week and put in the doghouse because we need to spend that money elsewhere.

I have a four year old who I take to kid play places and I'm no longer the mom nursing a baby while chasing after another toddler. I go to her preschool and I don't find myself putting myself out there for playdates like I would have with my older two. Heck, I don't even bother- we have our friends and I'm not starving for adult interaction. I'm tired... and I know I have to head home to rev up for round two of running the older kids around.

I see mom's sending their kids off to college. I'm not there yet, but it makes me sentimental and worry about if I'm preparing my kids enough to be good people. Am I too hard on them? Not hard enough? Are they prepared when put in different situations?  I worry. All.the.time. Have I done enough?

I've gone from the butt wiper and diaper changer to the maid who cleans up urine that has just missed the toilet. People say this is the sweet spot... and I say this is the in between. The grunt work.

And after spending time with my our middle child this week, I realized being the in between can be just fine. You just have to give them attention, love, and do it with a little intention. Here's to a new school year where I get back to blogging and living with purpose because these days won't last forever... and before long, it will be me crying on a college visit.

So here goes nothing... We're headed on an adventure today... with my son's friends. My four year old will be riding along jamming out to some not so appropriate music and showing the boys up as she sings "I spy"... and I'll be enjoying my view... along for the ride with a smile finding the joy in a new phase of life.