Friday, December 19, 2014

Unplugged is the new plugged in

It was one of those nights.  I went out, pretended I was 22, and tore down.  Ended the night at a Waffle House, and the next morning, I woke up in bed with someone.  Don't worry- it was my college roommate who yes, believe it or not still hangs out with me and loves me even after my college craziness.:)  She was there at three in the morning when I was lying on the floor needing help getting my cowboy boots off and didn't bat an eyelash when she woke up next to me topless because I had gotten hot in the middle of the night.  We had a five hour trip home and I was barely functioning.

It was also one of those days where you say, "I'm never drinking again."  You can't wait with every ounce of your being to get back to your hubby (eventhough he was on my last nerve) and babies.  You realize that your day in and day out life of running carpool, rotating your outfits from Kohl's and Target, and pulling your hair out at bedtime are actually quite fabulous and everything you ever dreamed of even if sometimes you feel like you are in the biggest rut and you might scream if you have to pick up one more pair of shoes that have been left in the middle of the floor.  And that you might as well stick with your current role of asswipe, I mean housewife,  because it's way too late for you to become a nun.

This particular girl's trip was also a time of reflection.  Riding down the road on a five hour car ride to Garth Brooks, your cheeks hurting and eyes watering from laughing so hard, you suddenly stop documenting your trip because you are enjoying this face to face time with long lost friends- Friends that you have kept up with because of Facebook. Your one friend is a snapchat addict and you realize that you have gotten to the point where everything you do is real timed on facebook.  A few conversations later, after viewing, and the two of you decide to unplug from our vices until the new year. 

Dear Lord.  Are we going to survive?  I think I'm getting the shakes.  Is that a hive?  Dude, someone could be posting at this very moment that they are pregnant and I don't know.  I'm okay.  I can do this.  I deactivate my account.

The next day, texts come in one by one.  Are you okay?  Did you defriend me?  And it dawns on me, just like I do, stepping away causes two things.  Some to check on you and genuinely have concern, and for some to gossip about you and make up their own story- Like I ran away on a girl's weekend, am getting a divorce, and checked into a facility.  Or something like that- I mean, I've done this with my BFF when someone suddenly vanishes from our lives on Facebook.  We most certainly let our minds and imagination run wild- we're women- that's what we do. It's never just that they need to unplug and get away.

But, I did it.  And how did it go?

Let me tell you the ways. 

My thumb suddenly felt like it went to physical therapy. It no longer swiped 1,000 times a day to refresh things.  I no longer missed out on the little things my children were saying to me because I was checking on what people I hadn't seen or physically talked to in fifteen years were doing.  I was present. 

Instead of having my face in my phone, I was on the ground playing Uno with my daughter.  I was answering what oh toodle Minnie needed instead of reading morning statuses like people used to read the newspaper. I was actually starting to workout instead of looking for the next fast fix, protein powder, workout video, or oil that would help me shed my pounds from friends that direct sell on my feed. And don't get me started with how much money I probably saved myself by stepping away from the "deals" on Facebook yard sale groups that I just couldn't pass up even if I really didn't need it. 

I was still snapping photos of my babies nonstop.  I just wasn't making them have 100 takes to get that "perfect" shot and my kids are more than thankful. 

Don't get me wrong.  My kids also drove me crazy- and I didn't have an outlet to tell people how I was going insane and somehow that outlet make me feel better.  But I also realized how wonderful they are and my complaints of how they drive me insane are really nothing at all.  I dodged seeing a million posts about a local boy and former neighbor passing away from childhood cancer.  Sure, I heard the news, and mourned, but I didn't read the tributes nonstop and it wasn't in my face.  Instead, I channeled his loss by hugging my kids that were driving me crazy- and considered every dirty look, rolling of the eyes, and minutes that they weren't listening to me the biggest blessing I could ever have.  Ya see, I'm the lucky one, I can still snap  at my babies.

For an entire month, no one heard about my period, my sagging boobs, or my aging that is driving me batty. For a month, I missed out on things, but the things that mattered most were right by me. I didn't piss my mother-in-law off by mentioning my hubby's penis, and she'd be happy to hear we've had way more sex because I went to bed with him instead of staying up on my computer.

So many things have been different- I didn't spend an entire week freaking out about the next snowstorm that Jay's Wintry Mix was predicting, and I didn't care about the euro models.  I didn't waste time watching random crap about the Kardashian's or clicking you tube links about dancing boobs or flies dug out of a man's ear.  Yes, I'm usually guilty of that. Sucker.

I'm sure I missed a ton.  Those perfect Thanksgiving table settings, beautiful Christmas tree pictures, trips to Walt Disney World that would leave me jealous that I wasn't going instead of happy for you. Don't you worry- We have a gorgeous three foot tree (that damn Craigslist ad said 4 feet people) that we happily decorated- Yes, there were way more candy canes but the one year old is obsessed with them, and well, they entertain her for at least ten minutes... and don't mind that Nicky Toothy  (that elf on the shelf that has a slightly different face than our normal one causing my ten year old to stare at him way longer than normal but never say anything because our usual one is packed in storage and yes, it made me gag when I had to shell out another thirty bucks for a new one)

And yes, our stocking are hung (No they aren't our normal ones that are also in storage but 98 cent ones from Walmart happily strung from softball trophies- who knew they make great stocking holders?)
And our fireplace is oh so beautiful- I mean blocked by light fixtures and faucets for the new house- Be jealous people, be jealous, we have some beautiful decorations going on here.:) Don't mind the toilet... I thought the baby was ready to potty train... but  now it's just a toy...

So much goodness.... And yet, here I am, back online.

I know it's not January 1st and I'm failing miserably- but I did make it an entire month away from here... and my friend who was detoxing from snapchat lasted three days, so I'm calling it a success.  Ya see, I missed friendships and in the strangest way people that I feel really close to. Y'all don't know it, but with a traveling hubby, you guys sometimes are my village.  And tonight, I'm holed up in my house with two sick kids and my wild night is going to consist of kid's Redbox rentals and trying to be spirited and a Suzy Homemaker mom by making sugar cookies with the girls- which I'm pretty sure will turn into a disaster... So what better way to cap this crazy night off then catching up on what all I've missed. Come on, there's no hiding it, I'm a nosy son of a gun. :)

Ya see, what I've learned with my absence is that  it's kind of like that night of drinking.  And like that comfort food I sometimes  use as medicine to cheer me up.  I've learned, everything is okay... in moderation.  And I'm sure I'll return to filling your feeds with nonsense.  But if you suddenly see me vanish again- I was just getting myself in check.  You don't need to make up a story in your head about me... and if you do, make me proud and make it a really, really damn good one- Ya know, like I'm off checking into a convent becoming a nun. :)

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