I'm a mouse. Yep, totally a mouse. Ya see, if ya give a mouse a cookie, she's going to want a glass of milk. And this here mouse is gonna want so much more than that. It's true, I'm a bottomless pit. And well, when you are trying to become comfortable in your skin again and drop some lb's, doing anything social can be hard.
Here's your warning... It's not that I'm trying to diss you, not hang out with you, flake out on plans that sound so fun, or even avoid you. I'm just trying to find me again... and it's hard.
Take this weekend for example. We had no plans on Saturday. Zilch. And for the McCullers family- this NEVER happens. We are social by nature. We are on the go, hanger outers, get in the car and go, and make an adventure if there isn't one. We're not homebodies, and we love people. That's just how we roll.
So in our minds, what did we want to do? I'll tell ya. I had a friend who asked me to join her at a winery. Awesome. The hubster was home, it was a beautiful day, Score! But then I thought to myself... If I go to the winery, I'm not gonna just have a glass of wine. I know myself. I'm going to order that oh so buttery crusty bread and brie. And I'm not going to have a little sliver of brie. I'm going to freaking have a loaf of bread and a an entire brie. It's happened before. Not to mention wine. And I don't even like wine- I'm a beer girl... or well, Vodka (and chase it with a chip) girl.
And then, my parents said they would watch the kids so we could go to the Florida Georgia Line concert. Holla!!!! But then, I think of the situation and I know myself. There is no way in hell I'm going to a country concert without a beer... and playing cornhole. And then the next thing I know I would be downing helluva good French onion dip and it would be so helluva good that I wouldn't stop. And with our group of friends and the fact that we would be kid-free for a night it would probably result in one of those late night "Let's pretend we're young again and end up at a waffle house" kind of nights. And then I would probably eat bad for the next two days and then I'd be working out for he next 2 weeks just for the calories I consumed at a concert.
I know, it sucks. But here's the deal. I'm taking some time to learn better eating habits, how to control my love for all things fried, and in a way, it feels good to focus on me (not that that Mexican restaurant last night was much better than the concert choice, but hey, I tried.)
Last week at a swim meet, I had this dreamy conversation with a friend. By dreamy, I mean I was talking to a girl that looks fabulous and I said, "How did you do it, you look so amazing." Her reply, was just what I needed to hear. "It's HARD. So hard. I'm hungry. And I'm avoiding the snack bar and I really, really want it." She might not know it, but I wanted to hug her, and cry all at the same time. Like literally cry. It was just what I needed to hear.
Ya see, there is no quick fix. There is no magic pill. This weight loss thing is freakin' hard... especially for a person that never in her life thought she'd be in this here situation.
So as I start this weight loss journey and try not to be a ding dong ditcher, I'm trying y'all... like really trying. I ended up not doing the winery and my friend was happy to hit the bike trail for a 4 mile walk that was such a breath of fresh air.
And that felt way more fulfilling than any loaf of bread and chardonnay ever did.
We skipped Florida Georgia Line and while that sucked a big one, laying her with my baby girl and preparing for a morning walk is pretty great and way better than feeling like a Mack truck ran over me because I'm not 21 anymore.
Oh, and there's big challenges ahead. I mean the good 'ole county fair is this week and I'm not denying my kids that... but I WILL deny myself that funnel cake... as I sit here and my mouth waters just thinking about it.
So friends... please bear with me for a while. It's not that I don't want to hang, or host at our new house, or meet ya out... I'm just trying to become a better me.
Give me a few months... and I'll be back to dancing on a table... and hopefully not worrying about breaking it or my spanx showing. :)
Love you, and yes, I'm a nut... just don't give me a nut... because I'm a mouse and I'd want something to go with it. :)
21 day fix begins tomorrow. If I'm bitchy you know why. I'm hangry.